Learning to Choose Myself

I think I’ve lost count of how many times my heart has been broken or my trust, by different people.

And what I’m about to say doesn’t come from a place of victimhood, but rather from a place where I’ve finally started to understand what self-love actually is.
When you haven’t been taught how to love yourself, life will often present you with lessons until you eventually begin to notice the patterns. And then it’s up to you whether you recognise them and start making different decisions for yourself.

For some of us, certain lessons take longer than others, and some are far more complex. Sometimes things don’t make sense at the time, but if we’re patient enough, we may begin to understand them later.
Learning how to love yourself isn’t always a pretty process. In fact, it can get extremely messy at times. Sometimes we make decisions that sabotage us. We fall back into old patterns. We make mistakes.

But one thing I know for sure today is that truly learning to love ourselves means stepping out of the harmful patterns we’ve become familiar with. It requires discipline, patience, self-awareness and, most importantly, understanding and compassion for ourselves throughout the process.

Making uncomfortable decisions that you know are right for you, decisions that may hurt in the moment but will benefit you in the long run, is also an act of self-love.

Bubble baths, shopping sprees and doing nice things for yourself are all lovely, but that isn’t what self-love is on its own.
Self-love is learning how to speak to yourself with compassion when you mess up.
It’s recognising your unhealthy habits and deciding that you want something different for yourself.
It’s asking for help when you know you need it.
It’s setting boundaries, even when doing so feels uncomfortable.
It’s walking away from something you desperately wanted because you know deep down that it isn’t good for you.

And when your trust has been abused or your heart has been broken many times, yet you still refuse to completely close yourself off, and you choose to remain open to genuine connection… I believe that isn’t only self-love. It’s bravery.

We live in a time where we often chase things that feel nice, easy and comforting, and because something feels good, we assume it must be good for us. I don’t necessarily believe that. Sometimes the right choices require effort. Sometimes they require enormous patience. Sometimes there are tears, discomfort and painful lessons involved.

And they can still be the right choices.

Today, I’m beyond grateful because I encounter so many amazing people and experience so many beautiful things in my life. But I also know that I had to go through some incredibly difficult experiences to become the person who is able to recognise and appreciate them now.
Especially through parts of my childhood and the last few years, there were times when it genuinely felt like I had been through hell and back.

And perhaps one of the biggest things I’ve learned through all of it is this:

Self-love isn’t always choosing what feels good. Sometimes self-love is having the courage to choose what is good for you. 🤍

Warm hugs

Agnes xx