A Lesson in Judgment, Art and Being Yourself

I recently took my daughter to Winchester Cathedral, and it’s one of those places that really makes you stop for a moment and think how on earth human beings could create something so incredible.
I can still remember when I travelled to Spain with my friend, and we visited Barcelona Cathedral. That experience honestly stayed with me. It felt almost like witnessing a miracle. The thought that something so breathtaking was created by human hands made me think that surely God Himself must have had something to do with it.
That Cathedral actually brought tears to my eyes, and to this day I’m not even sure exactly why. Maybe for a moment I just felt closer to God, closer to His creation, and completely overwhelmed by how much beauty human beings are capable of creating.
So when we went to Winchester Cathedral, maybe it didn’t affect me in quite the same way as Barcelona did, but I still absolutely loved being there. And this time it felt special in a different way because I was sharing the experience with my little one.

Now, I think many parents can probably relate when I say that summer holidays can be a bit of a challenge. Obviously, the children are out of school, but work doesn’t magically disappear, so somehow we have to juggle both. And if you’re a single parent, that challenge can become even bigger.
As much as I absolutely love taking my daughter out, going to different places and making memories together, I also somehow have to squeeze my work in between everything. Content creation, replying to clients, emails, admin and all the other little things that need to be done behind the scenes.

So while we were in Winchester Cathedral, I really wanted to take a few pictures. I had already mentioned to my daughter before we went that mommy might need to do a tiny bit of work while we were out, just taking a few pictures here and there. I asked her if she was okay with that and she said she absolutely was and didn’t mind. In the end, I only managed to get one set of images that day, which was absolutely fine.
I sat her comfortably on a bench while I took a few pictures using my phone and tripod. There were obviously people walking past from time to time. And just to make it clear, I was wearing a long dress. Nothing revealing at all. I wasn’t posing provocatively, disturbing anybody or doing anything inappropriate.
At some point I looked over at my daughter and I could instantly tell that something was wrong. She suddenly looked really uncomfortable and upset.
So I asked her what happened and she said:
“Mommy, people are looking nasty at you from up to down.”

And I asked her:
“And? Do you care?”

She replied:
“Yes. I feel really embarrassed.”

And at that point I immediately stopped. I packed everything away and as we started walking, I had a conversation with her. Of course, the last thing I ever want is for my little girl to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable because of something I’m doing. So I did acknowledge how she felt and told her that I respected that. But at the same time, I think moments like this can become such a good opportunity to have proper conversations with our children and teach them something.

So as we were walking through the Cathedral, I asked her what she thought about the place.
She said:
“It’s absolutely beautiful.”

And I said, “Exactly.”

I explained to her how incredible it is that something so beautiful can be created by people and how, in a way, it’s all art.
I even said to her:
“God Himself is an amazing Artist, you know. And what mommy was doing, taking some beautiful pictures, is also a form of art.”

I tried to explain to her that as long as somebody is being respectful, appropriately dressed, not disturbing anyone and not doing anything wrong, there is nothing wrong with taking photographs. But unfortunately, people will sometimes look. People will sometimes judge. And sometimes people simply won’t understand what you’re doing.
That’s just life.
Some people will love what you do, some people won’t understand it at all and some people simply won’t like it. But I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking that just because somebody might judge her, she should stop doing the things she loves. Because if we spend our whole lives worrying about what everybody else thinks of us, when do we actually get to live?
She seemed a little more relieved after our conversation, and I think she understood what I was trying to explain to her.
At the same time, I promised her that I wouldn’t continue taking pictures that day. Because one thing is what I believe, but another thing is how she feels. And her feelings are even more important to me. Not long after that, I took her for some yummy ice cream, so obviously that made everything a little better too. 🤍

But the whole situation stayed in my head. And it really got me thinking about how judgemental we can sometimes be as people. Of course, I understand that judgment itself isn’t always a bad thing. We all judge situations and people to some extent. It’s part of human nature, and sometimes it’s even what protects us.
But what I struggle to understand is why people can sometimes pay so much attention to somebody doing something completely harmless, yet when something genuinely bad is happening, suddenly nobody wants to get involved.

Not long ago, I watched a social experiment where a man and a little girl, both actors, were pretending to be a father and daughter. The man was pretending to be heavily drunk while being responsible for his “daughter”. Obviously, he wasn’t actually drunk, but the whole point was to see how people around them would react.
Some people did react.
Some approached him and offered help. Some called the police. And I think that was beautiful. But sadly, a lot of people simply walked past and ignored it.

And it really made me think. Why can it sometimes feel easier to stare at someone, criticise them or judge them for doing something harmless than to actually step forward when someone might genuinely need help? And maybe that experiment stayed with me so much because I’ve experienced similar things in my personal life.

There have been moments when something bad was happening, when somebody clearly needed help or when something simply wasn’t right, and yet people around would not react. Some people would carry on as if nothing was happening. Some would literally turn their heads the other way. And I’ve found myself being the one who actually intervened.

Those situations really stayed with me because I just can’t understand how sometimes something genuinely concerning can be happening right in front of people and they simply choose not to see it. Of course, sometimes stepping in takes courage.
Maybe people are scared.
Maybe they think it isn’t their business.
Maybe they worry they’ll embarrass themselves.
Or maybe they think somebody else will do something.

But what happens if everybody thinks exactly the same thing? Maybe that’s why this whole situation at Winchester Cathedral stayed in my mind. Because sometimes we seem to have so much energy to watch other people, judge them, analyse them and form opinions about things that really aren’t hurting anyone. But when somebody genuinely needs compassion, courage or intervention, suddenly looking the other way can feel easier.

And I guess the lesson I want my daughter to grow up with is this: Don’t be scared to be yourself just because somebody might judge you. But at the same time, don’t be scared to step forward when somebody genuinely needs you.

I think I would much rather live in a world where we spent a little less time worrying about harmless things other people are doing and a little more time actually looking out for one another. A world where we are less afraid to be ourselves, but also less afraid to help when another human being genuinely needs us. 🤍

Agnes xx